horrible, terrible people

my mom, in reference to my brother's new goatee: I think it looks good. He's starting to look more and more like his father, back in the day.

me: back when dad was a sexual predator?

...

me: I should probably cut down on the bulimia jokes.

Tim: no, you should go ahead and get them all out of your system.

...

my mom, to her parents: that orphan's fund sure pulled in a lot of money this year. Lucky orphans. Damn I wish I was an orphan.