Tuesday, May 30, 2017

I'm an idiot when I first wake up

Some of my very early morning thoughts:

"I have to get to Whole Foods to get my free iPod! I wonder how much of that was a dream and how much is real life." [sudden disappointment when I realize Whole Foods probably isn't giving free iPods to every customer]

"Must remember to RRSP to that party... RRSP... RRSP. That can't be right. Ugh I'll sort it out later."

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Thanks, guys.

Co-worker: You can borrow the Cat6A cable, but you have to be really careful with it. Treat it like it’s your ...what do you care about, anyways? Math? Pretend that it’s ...math.


Co-worker: Oh, I wanted to tell you something. Everyone’s talking about you behind your back. I guess your hair looks weird today? Looks fine to me, but everyone else is talking about it.


Me: I need a good algorithm that I can use with Mindstorms so I can program my robot to play beer pong with me.

Co-worker: Wouldn’t it be faster to just make a friend?

Saturday, March 25, 2017


The Whole Foods near my work is so clean, I have eaten food I found on the floor while shopping.

I once forgot how to set my home alarm, and didn't leave my house for three days.

In my refrigerator, I have one jar of expired mayonnaise for every year I've lived here.

I have taken a cab to work because it was raining and I couldn't find my umbrella.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

this one wrote itself

My friend was late to pick me up this morning, but he brought me some mood stabilizers so I literally can't stay mad at him.

(My stress-relief supplements were shipped to his house.)

Sunday, January 29, 2017

middle of the night thoughts

If I owned a gun, I would definitely try to kill a spider by shooting it.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

UBC Alumnus

When I can't sleep for several hours, and several days in a row, I need something to do to keep my sanity. Something that doesn't involve a screen. I've tried reading, Sudoku, and other puzzles, but if I'm too brain dead I really need something mindless. So I shamefully bought one of those adult colouring books.

I've been working at it this week, but some of the pictures are really intricate. The patterns are often too small to colour in with my crayons, and I run out of different colours. Plus it's oddly overwhelming when there's too much detail.

So I went online and found a Lego colouring book. It's got scenes and characters from the Lego movie, and is much simpler. This is the perfect solution -a mindless and mildly enjoyable activity to pass the time in the wee hours. I was satisfied until I realized, at the age of 32, my colouring book was too hard for me so I bought an easier one.

My Alma mater just emailed me. They want to know what their grads are up to.

Thursday, November 17, 2016


I spent last weekend at Great Wolf Lodge, easily the most fun I’ve ever had at a hotel. We accidentally booked the “accessible” suite, which is just a nice way of saying “grab rails on every vertical surface and a phone next to the toilet”. Also, extra-wide doorways, which wasn’t a bad thing given that my travel companion is legally blind without his glasses.

The hotel has an arcade, mini golf, and an indoor water park with water slides. I had to dig my swimsuit out of the back of my closet for the first time in years.

Here’s the thing about my swimsuit: it’s technically a two-piece, but it has long sleeves and it fits like a comfortable turtleneck. It is also a turtleneck. I’ve long had an aversion to indoor pools, direct sunlight, and tight-fitting clothes. So my extremely modest swimsuit (I’m completely covered from knees to neck) makes sense. It was purchased sometime in the 90s for my younger brother, and later handed down to me. I am still wearing it two decades later, so I can confidently say we got our money’s worth.

The arcade is open 24 hours, and we spent at least 24 hours in it. The first morning, I woke up at 6:00 am to play Skee Ball, and after a few hours I had a couple of kids watching me while the machine hemorrhaged ribbons of tickets for my wins (I’m pretty good at Skee Ball). The second night we both stayed up all night playing games, and by the time we checked out Sunday morning we had enough tickets between us to buy almost anything from the prize counter.

Emerging from the arcade with a bag full of prizes (including a Fitbit), making our way through the parking lot to the car, we passed an old station wagon which had been painted in fluorescent colours and stuck all over with shoes, toys, and assorted knick-knacks. My friend remarked to me, “Some people just have too much time on their hands.”