Monday, November 29, 2010

what not to say to your couch-surfing host

I don't know what did it, but something got the old pipes moving again.

No, I didn't have a bowel movement. I had a bowel symphony.

Monday, November 08, 2010

caught in the lamest act

Late Wednesday evening I was sitting in the Ron Riddell Honours Mathematics Reading Room in the Math Annex, writing a crappy Haskell program, when I heard the door open. Since the building was locked, I assumed it was my friend Dick, who has his very own office right down the hall but visits here often because in his own office, nobody laughs uncontrollably when he makes a poop joke.

"Hi, Dick," I said without looking up.
"ok, I'm gonna need some ID," said an unfamiliar voice. I looked up to see a campus security guard.
"The building is officially closed, so yeah, seriously I'm gonna need to see your ID."
"ok, I have a UBC card."
"it's expired," he said after examining it. Then he flipped open a little book and started writing.
"am I in trouble for having expired ID?"
"You have to get a new card. I'm just writing you up for being here."

I tried not to laugh. Of all the things I've done in this building after hours, 'being here' goes down as my official crime? Even unintentionally calling the security guard a dick seems worse than that. Definitely worse than that are going onto the roof of the building, going onto the roof while drinking, breaking into locked rooms, breaking into locked rooms while drinking, and living here to avoid paying the obscene extended-stay fees at my dormitory (while drinking). After all that, I get busted just for sitting here programming after 6:30. I wonder if this infraction is going on my permanent record. That would be fucking wholesome.