the boot

My parents took me to a music festival when I was a child. After the show, a big rubber boot was passed around for donations. A spokesperson got on the microphone and said, "Please give what you can, this is what keeps the festival going. Any spare change, twenties are fine, car keys, your children, whatever."

The audience laughed, and my mother hugged me. She said, "You are my daughter and I will always love you. Now go get in the boot."

Belated Merry Christmas Holidays

I spent mine in the hospital.

pros: 

-Food was surprisingly good (at least compared to my own cooking)

-The rooms were cleaner than my house (I guess they clean them or something?)

cons:

-I had to drag an IV pole around with me every time I went to the bathroom

A few days after Christmas Day, I had a seizure. Nurses got me into bed where I promptly peed myself (apparently this is normal). My father and step-mother coincidentally arrived immediately after, and my friend who was visiting explained to them what had just happened. I woke up confused as to where I was and why they were there, and they hugged me and gave me a big bag of Christmas presents. I started opening my gifts in bed, and suddenly noticed the bed was wet.

"Why is the bed wet?" I asked.

"Because you wet the bed." My friend responded flatly.

So, yeah. I opened presents while sitting in my own piss.