instant gratification

The hardest part about my life, is when I have an itch I have to find a piece of scratchy-side Velcro because I have what they call lesbian nails.

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, I was tormented with a patch of itchy dry skin on my shins, until I finally got up and located my Velcro. Then I went to absolute town and it felt so good, I didn't immediately stop when I drew blood. 

I actually had a tube of hydrocortisone handy, but I opted to rip my skin off instead.