Sunday, October 30, 2005

A New Twist on an Old Favourite

The cafeteria has a little fruit fly problem. Fruit flies aren't a big deal, but when they crawl up into the orange juice machine, die, then get dispensed by the dozen into your orange juice, your appetite is affected. This is why I stopped getting orange juice. Today I really wanted orange juice, so I decided to go for it anyway. I was surprised and delighted to find my orange juice completely free of dead flies!

As if that wasn't enough to make my day, a squirrel just smacked into my window.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


Last night Tim and I dressed up as ninjas and went on a drunken fog run. Except that it wasn't foggy and we didn't run.

Congratulations to Dan for getting a job. I always thought you would make an excellent forklift driver.

If you direct your attention to my list of links, you will notice that I renamed my link to Joyce's blog.

Friday, October 28, 2005

A New Low

I'm eating my last can of Spam right now (thanks again, Thomas), which is actually much worse than it sounds. Not only am I eating the most disgusting food you can think of, but I don't have a stove, so I'm eating it cold. I also don't have any dishes or cutlery, so I'm eating it off my old computer science notes (I don't even have a blank sheet of paper) with my pocket knife.

My student loan is on its way.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Thanks, That Really Clarifies Things

What do you get when you cross Gary Larson with your math prof?

Today my Math 316 prof attempted to explain his solution to a problem with the following analogy:

"Suppose you are running at a mirror. What you would see is your face, getting larger and larger until finally you run right through the mirror, smashing it. And suppose you had a little man waiting behind the mirror, who jumps out as soon as you smash through it, and runs back the way you came."

Ah! Now I get it.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I Misspelled My Own Name

About a year ago, I tried to apply for a student loan. I'm sure this isn't too hard for most people, but my name contains a symbol not included in the English language. When I typed it into the online form it looked ok, but then I hit enter and it came out completely wrong.

Once you have filled out all the forms, you can't easily change your name. You have to call a number, wait on hold for 20 minutes, then be told you're calling the wrong number, then call another number and be told you were right the first time. You give up for a year, then realize that you really do need the money, and go to Brock Hall.

At Brock Hall I tried to explain the problem to the woman behind the desk, which resulted in the following things being shouted across the office.

woman: Terry, what should a student do if they misspelled their own name on a student loan form?
Terry: What?
woman: (pointing at me) She misspelled her own name on her student loan form!

That last one drew some attention, and since there was an index finger pointed directly at my head, there wasn't much I could do.

Now I'm gonna go make other people feel bad about themselves.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Maybe I Should Wash My Coffee Mug

I use the same coffee mug everyday, and I just realized that I have not washed it since I moved two months ago. I only ever use it for coffee, and since coffee is hot and acidic, simply pouring coffee into the mug is like cleaning it.

That's what I thought until I poked what looked like the bottom of my mug with a pencil. It was one of those trick bottoms that moves to reveal the real bottom. My biggest problem is that this means my mug is getting smaller and smaller everyday, which means that I am getting less and less coffee everyday. And that just wont do. Tomorrow I will wash my coffee mug.

Friday, October 21, 2005

He Likes to be Called "Blindy"

Ever sniffed a Sharpie marker? Ever sniffed a Sharpie marker for 50 minutes straight? Today in class I sat next to the blind guy. He's not really blind, but he uses binoculars to see the chalkboard (from the front row), and he takes notes in 5cm tall letters with a Sharpie marker. He's legally blind.

Normally I watch what I say on this blog, especially about other people. You just never know who will read it. I have refrained from making fun of a lot of people. But this guy probably needs a theatre-sized screen and a telescope to use a computer, so I think I'm safe.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Toothbrush Bandit

Today I went to brush my teeth and found, for the second time, my toothbrush bristle-end down in my toothbrush holder. That is not the way I left it. Ugh! Someone else has used my toothbrush. Why would anyone want to do that? Did they mistake it for their own? Or were they raised to believe that toothbrushes are communal items?

In either case, I don't want to get someone else's weird mouth disease. So I bought a new toothbrush (which I will keep in a holster on my belt), but I think I'll leave the old one in the washroom. If I had any shred of decency, I wouldn't use it to clean the gunk out of my refrigerator door and then place it back in the toothbrush holder in the washroom for the "toothbrush bandit". If only I had a shred of decency.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Everybody Loves Thomas

With all this recent Thomas-praising, I think I may be making Tim jealous. I do talk about Thomas an awful lot, and that last post was a little over-the-top. So in the interest of leveling things off, I should either praise Tim or bash Thomas.

-Once Thomas made me a sandwich, and there was a hair in it.
-when he comes over after work, he always smells like fish.
-once he burped when he was sitting right next to me and it was pretty gross.
-don't ever share a drink with Thomas because he backwashes. Not just a little bit, I'm talking about chunks. Chunks floating in your drink.

I think that's enough for today. If Thomas doesn't make any serious threats, this may become a weekly feature.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Thomas is Adorable

Have you ever seen a hampster sneeze? I don't think hampsters sneeze, but if they did, they would look like Thomas sneezing. He's so cute.

Thomas didn't believe me that I would write an entire post about how cute he is, so I'm really just doing this to spite him. And I want the world to know that Thomas is adorable.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Helpful Hints

-barfing cures the hiccups.
-it is not ok to burst out laughing when someone tells you about a traumatic childhood event.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Number One on the Richform Scale

It has been brought to my attention (by Richform) that I am number one on the Richform Scale. If you happen to read Richard's blog, you will know that I am referring to the list of other people's blogs, which he reorganizes weekly in decending order of bloggy-goodness. This week I am at the very top.

Unfortunately I tend to crumple under pressure. I am aware of Richard's high standards, and I fear that I have already hit my high-water mark. I can already feel my sense of humour becoming trite and commonplace.

In cafeteria news, today someone pointed out that 'Sealtest' brand milk (which our cafeteria serves us), has pictures of people exercising on the carton. Dairyland milk has pictures of cows on it, which is where the milk comes from. I'll let you reach the logical conclusion on your own.

Tacos in the Bathtub "Thanksgiving Special"

Since nothing fun or exciting is happening this weekend (so far), I thought I would delight you all with a thanksgiving-related story.

It was Thanksgiving long weekend of the year 2001. After a sub-par turkey dinner and a long argument about who should clean the kitchen, my father was completely fed up with us and went into the living room to tune us out with the radio.

My brothers and I started cleaning up, and I wondered what to do about the turkey carcass. I went into the living room to ask my dad.

"I don't care what you do with the turkey." he answered, annoyed at being bothered again.
"No, seriously. Should I throw it away or do you want to make soup with it?"
"Do whatever you want! Just leave me alone."

Whatever I want? I realized that this opportunity would probably never present itself again. I had to take advantage of it.

I opened the kitchen window and heaved the turkey through it. As I ran down the stairs and outside, I heard my dad ask "what was that thud?". The turkey carcass was in the middle of the driveway, so I threw it onto the road. Then I got into the car, backed out over the turkey, and drove back and forth over it until it was a metre long.

And that was the year that we didn't have any thanksgiving turkey sandwiches.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Now That's One Clean Bathroom!

Today I had the pleasure of using the women's washroom in the math building right after the cleaning lady finished cleaning. In fact, she was leaving just as I was going in.

The toilets and sinks were sparkling white, all the supplies had been freshly replenished, the smell of ammonia was thick in the air, and there was even a little welcome mint on each toilet lid.

That was pretty much the highlight of my day. The second best part of today is that the cafeteria served undercooked chicken, and I was one of the few who chose the vegetarian option.