Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Final Exam

On Monday I wrote my last exam at UBC. Since I already graduated, it wasn't really important. I don't think they can take your degree away from you. At the bottom of the sessional grade report, there's a little box that says 'Credentials Awarded'. I imagined them making a 'Credentials Revoked' box below it, and dragging and dropping my B.Sc. into it. That didn't seem right.

To celebrate, after the exam I went to Brock Hall to get my diploma. Then I went to the SUB to make four photocopies of it, which I taped together and folded into a pirate hat.

Monday, July 23, 2007

My Day Went Downhill From Here

As I was leaving the house this morning, my landlord was in the front yard setting up his sprinkler -the kind that sprays in a circle, slowly in one direction, then quickly in the other. I was halfway down the front walk when he shouted something. He has a thick accent, but what I heard was, "don't go, wait" so I stopped and waited, thinking he wanted to talk to me.

What he had actually said was, "don't get wet" and I stood there, smiling and looking particularly stupid, while his sprinkler changed direction and sprayed me down.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I can handle an awkward situation

The other night, my roommate and his friend stopped by our house on their way to go see a movie. They invited me to go with them, but I declined since they were both riding their bikes and mine has a flat tire. My roommate suggested that I could double with him, but I again declined since we've tried this before and it ended badly. Then his friend tried to say that she could double with him, and I could ride her bike, but it came out sounding more like "...and you could ride me."

Embarrassed, she immediately turned bright red and ran back outside. I could hear her unlocking her bike from the pipe just outside my bedroom window, so I quickly opened the blinds. Startled, she looked up to see my face just inches away. She looked completely horrified as I slowly smiled and then winked before lowering the blinds.

Monday, July 16, 2007

For Dan

I switched to a new brand of wax paper today: MasterWrap. It feels a tad flimsier than Ranch Wagon wax paper, as if there is less wax and/or paper per unit area. On the other hand, it's easier to fold and costs 30 cents less for 25 square feet. Overall, I am happy with this change.

Friday, July 13, 2007

I miss the garbage chute

My roommate has this thing about using giant black garbage bags when he cleans the house. He says it gives him more satisfaction to throw everything into one big bag. Last week when he ransacked the hall closet, he used a garbage bag too big for our bin. I warned him before he started that it wouldn't fit, but he went ahead and filled it anyway.

The whole point of ransacking the closet was so he could fit more stuff into it, including the mysterious box which appeared in our living room last month. He believes this box contains my things, but it actually just holds the recycling which wouldn't fit into our recycling bin two weeks ago. I wanted to get rid of it, but I wanted to play Tetris even more, so I dumped it into an empty box and forgot about it. After he spent all that time tidying the closet to fit it in, I just didn't have the heart to tell him.

So our old cans and bottles are put away neatly in the closet, and a bag of garbage with the circumference of a bathtub is blocking the hallway. Other than that, the place looks pretty good.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Grocery Shopping With Tim

me: we should get going. If we don't leave soon, we're going to make choices that we regret later.

Tim: this is the part where you look directly at me and say, "I think I've already made a few."

Monday, July 02, 2007

Vulgar Conversations With Dick

I wrote a guest post for Richard, and I'll be darned if I'm gonna write two in one day, so go on over and read it.