Thursday, March 23, 2006

People Who Make Me Feel Normal

Last weekend I met up with my old roomie and her sister, who are in Vancouver for a few days. As always they had some great stories and plans, most of which involve total unawareness of (or disregard for) social norms and the law. I call them Team Retard. Of course the best stories are also the most illegal ones, and can't be repeated here.

Last year, when the sister of my roommate was visiting, she ate an entire 2 litre bucket of ice cream in one sitting. My ice cream, actually. Of course she felt bad and replaced it with another 2 litre bucket of ice cream, which she also ate. I wasn't annoyed so much as I was impressed at how much ice cream she could eat.

About a month after she visited, I recieved a letter from Breyers apologizing for the poor quality of their ice cream, along with a coupon for another 2 litre bucket of ice cream. Apparently she had felt bad afterall, but didn't want to spend more money on ice cream and instead wrote an elaborate letter to Breyers and signed my name.

This is the person who returned to the same barber who gave her a perm without asking, and dyed her friend's hair hot pink when she wanted brown. Why did she go back? Because she's a loyal customer. Loyal to a guy who does a bad job? Yes.

Come to think of it, she kind of reminds me of this girl I knew in first year, who after decorating a room with paper streamers, read on the package that they were flame-retardent and decided to test the claim.

Instead of ripping off a small piece and testing it over the sink, she held her lighter up to a wall covered in paper streamers and other paper decorations. The streamers were quite flame-retardent, but other things on the wall were not. Luckily she was experienced in quickly extinguishing small fires, and disaster was avoided.

Monday, March 13, 2006

I Have a Tiny Head

As some of you may know, I have a small head. Abnormally small, some (Thomas) might say. Ever since this was brought to my attention two years ago (by Thomas) I have tried a variety of techniques to simulate a larger head.

First I tried to spend time with people who have smaller heads than me, so mine might look normal in comparison. Turns out I have the smallest head of anyone I know.

I tried combing my hair away from my head, hoping that if I could get my hair to stand up more, I could compensate for a small head with huge hair. Unfortunately I have straight hair which lies close to my head no matter what I do, just short of getting a perm.

Today Damien suggested an end to my tiny head problem: I should buy a hat too small for me and label it "Large hat for Large heads". Then I could carry it everywhere with me, and periodically make a show of trying to pull it onto my head. After a brief struggle, I would give up and casually say, with a shrug, "Must be my HUGE head."