Saturday, March 25, 2017


The Whole Foods near my work is so clean, I have eaten food I found on the floor while shopping.

I once forgot how to set my home alarm, and didn't leave my house for three days.

In my refrigerator, I have one jar of expired mayonnaise for every year I've lived here.

I have taken a cab to work because it was raining and I couldn't find my umbrella.