Monday, April 30, 2018


A few weeks ago (several years after everyone else) I realized that I can buy new pants on Amazon. Given how much I hate shopping for clothes, this feels like a miracle. My new life starts now. And if I could go back in time, I would find myself from a decade ago: kneeling over two pairs of five dollar pants from the Salvation Army, trying to decide which one to cut apart into patches for the other one. “You won't have to live like this forever,” I’ll tell her.

So here I am, wearing my twenty dollar pants, which don’t fit at all. Whatever version of the inch they used, it’s huge. That’s ok! Amazon sells belts too.