No, you're Schmoopy (redux)

I've been staying with my ex-boyfriend for the past two weeks. We're friends now, so it's not awkward or uncomfortable for me to drop in without notice and then never leave. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, if we had stayed together, which of us would have been murdered first.

me: Oh hi. I wasn't expecting you home so soon... I'm pretty sure I remembered to flush my giant turd.

Tim: Maybe you should just go check.

me: Nah. We're good. There's no reason I wouldn't have flushed it.

Tim: Fine. I'll check. Wait, is this a prank? You're trying to trick me into looking at your turd!

...

me: Would it be considered prostitution if I payed rent in BJs?

Tim: Yes, but I wont talk you out of it.

me: Good. I blew your landlord.