flattery will get you nowhere

is what my friends and family seem to believe. Here's what they've been saying to me:


Dick: every time I look at you, all I can think about is malnutrition.

former roommate: You're like an alcoholic, but with fruit. And alcohol.

my boss: you look like you're from outer space.

my mom: you weren't a mistake. We definitely planned you. We planned the heck out of you!

former roommate: my boss calls you 'Wednesday' behind your back.