promises

This conversation happened twenty years ago.

Back in university, a roommate of mine (who had never suffered from low self-esteem) was going through a difficult break up. Difficult for the guy, that is. My roommate herself, was doing quite well.

roommate: I'm just worried he might do something extreme. He's in a really dark place right now.

me: You don't think he'd ...kill himself, do you?

My roommate then locked eyes with me, and said firmly, "Me, Thea. He lost ME. What would you do?"

So I reassured her that I would, in fact, kill myself if I ever lost her.

Public Service Announcement

If you go to Dolar Hot Pot, they will offer you a bib.

Do not. Accept. The bib. It is a trap.


That is all.

this went over well

me, to the internet technician: Sorry about the mess. I promise you I am not a massive slob, just an eccentric genius.

December thoughts

The only difference between me and white trash, is money.

true story

In 1989, my father bought a Nintendo Entertainment System for my brothers. It had two controllers. So I got my very first turn in 1996.

goddammit

I'm applying for a job, and they want to see my diploma. Nobody has ever asked to see my diploma before. I don't even know where it is! The last time I remember seeing it, was immediately after receiving it, when I was folding a diploma pirate hat -to be clear, I'm not a total moron; I folded a photocopy. But that was the last time I remember seeing it.

So I spent over an hour unearthing old boxes from the storage area under the stairs. Holy crap do I need to get rid of stuff. Anyway, success, I finally see the fancy embossed folder from my university. And my diploma has been partially eaten by silverfish.

this was awkward

I have had the profound displeasure of explaining to a family member that saying, "we're taking our food in a doggy bag" is absolutely not equivalent to saying "we're taking it doggy-style".