true story

In 1989, my father bought a Nintendo Entertainment System for my brothers. It had two controllers. So I got my very first turn in 1996.

goddammit

I'm applying for a job, and they want to see my diploma. Nobody has ever asked to see my diploma before. I don't even know where it is! The last time I remember seeing it, was immediately after receiving it, when I was folding a diploma pirate hat -to be clear, I'm not a total moron; I folded a photocopy. But that was the last time I remember seeing it.

So I spent over an hour unearthing old boxes from the storage area under the stairs. Holy crap do I need to get rid of stuff. Anyway, success, I finally see the fancy embossed folder from my university. And my diploma has been partially eaten by silverfish.

this was awkward

I have had the profound displeasure of explaining to a family member that saying, "we're taking our food in a doggy bag" is absolutely not equivalent to saying "we're taking it doggy-style".

reminder: I was never cool.

me: My brother purposely ruined my favourite calculator when I was a child. I don't think I ever quite got over it.

friend: You had a favourite calculator as a child?

me: You're focusing on the wrong part of the story.

For real though, it was a discontinued Casio.

breakfast

For breakfast I only had drink garnishes. In my defence, it was mostly fruit.

the noose, part deux

I told my brother the noose story. When I finished, he didn't seem amused. He said, "Yeah, dad taught me how to tie a noose too. Actually, he taught us all how to tie nooses."

Dammit. Is this a reverse 'Prince of Tides' situation?

You've always been my least favourite. Anyway, here's how to tie a noose.

Then Dan added, "Hey, at least you prompted your own noose lesson. He just barged into my room one day with a piece of rope."

(I still know how to tie a noose; it is unfortunately elegant in it's simplicity.)

party on

The highlight of last weekend was a free concert at the park. In particular, the moment when a musician on the stage introduced a song with, "This next song is about living with anxiety."

And a single, very loud audience member went, "WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"