neither one of them had a good response

former roommate: My mom has a computer science degree. But she only worked for a year as a software developer and then she got pregnant with me.

me: How foolish of her to get knocked up.

...

my mom: We've never really had a vacation. Of course, we didn't always have the money, what with all you kids.

me: How foolish of you to get knocked up so many times.

Thanksgiving

As usual, my thanksgiving was mostly unmemorable, filled with homework, tv, laundry, and drinking alone. I've come to expect little more from a long weekend in October. But no matter how lame my thanksgiving was, it couldn't possibly have been worse than it was for the woman ahead of me at the grocery store checkout, who was purchasing four items: one Stouffers microwaveable tv dinner and three packs of store brand anti-nausea medication.

And the ensuing conversation I had with Tim:

thea says: If it takes three packs to get it down, maybe she should try a different brand of microwave dinner.
Tim says:
no - it takes one pack to get it down
Tim says:
one pack to KEEP it down
Tim says:
and the third pack is to keep you from vomiting in horror at what you just made your body do.

snap

my uncle: you know we always wanted a daughter.

my mom: if you're still interested, mine's up for adoption.